I am 40 years old, my husband is only 30. I had my college education, he was able to hurdle only his second year in high school. I grew up in the country while he spent most of his life in the city. I had a normal youth. He, on the other hand, was engaged in brawls, hard drinking, drugs, petty crimes.There is an ocean of difference between my husband and I, both in attitude and perspective in life. That is why I thought hard before finally (after two rejected proposals ) agreeing to marry him — I was 32 then and working as an employee in a private organization. At that time, he was already working for another Non-Government organization as a messenger.I cannot fully articulate the reasons for my decision to marry someone like him. I have had my share of boyfriends who were in “my level” but I chose to be with him. Must have been “love”. But, I did not take the plunge blind. Like I said, I gave it a good thought first. My reference questions were 1) Will I be happy with this man?; 2) Will he be a good husband and father to my kids?; 3) Will he not desert me in times of troubles?; 4) Will the life he had in his youth not recur during our married life together?; 5) Will the gap in our age, and level of maturity, be an issue soon? Of course, I did not have direct answers to these questions. But I had inklings. My husband, before our marriage, was already a sweet and loving person, although not publicly expressive. He was generous to other people, and industrious. He did not flirt. And, most of all, he treated me special but equal. He was not affected by our statures in life.Pros and Cons. The Pros had it. We got married in 2002, had our first baby ten months after the wedding, and now, we are well into our 8th year together as husband and wife. Two more kids were added into the family. It was not a totally blissful eight years, though. The worst problem I had with my husband is the gap in our communication process. Second was his drinking habit. Third was his inability to find a better means of earning money to help provide for the family. We are still trying to make ends meet in our household. The leak on our roof is yet to be repaired.We have problems. But nothing that we think we cannot solve. The important factors that made our relationship work was respect and understanding. I know my husband’s handicaps in terms of skills and intellect. He knows my pet peeves. He knows I nag. So, I expect nothing more than what my husband can offer to the family. He either keeps silent when I am moody or make efforts to cool my temper. However, when each of our boiling point is reached (which happened a few times), we still had the consciousness to not make matters worse by just ceasing to talk/make contact for a while. “For a while” means a few hours to us. It never happened in our married life that our fights remain unresolved for days.I may have the upper hand in this relationship because of my age, acquired knowledge and life experience. But I did not think that my husband is inferior. He has his own special qualities that I value and am being grateful of. He takes care of our children well as I am a full time office worker. Before he attends to his business of selling homemade condiments, he first sees to it that the meals had been prepared; the children have had their baths; the pets have been fed.I believe that to make a husband and wife relationship work, no matter the age or social status, both parties must always remember the reason/s why they married each other. Aside from love, they must understand that the person they married is not perfect. Each should expect that the other half may have other personalities aside from the one he/she showed before the wedding. And when these personalities manifest after, the first thing to do is seeking first to understand and accepting the flaws.Of course, this is only my experience. I know there are many variations to my story and, maybe, the gravity of their problems are more serious than mine. Nonetheless, understanding and respect are universal solutions that everyone should try.
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